Our emotions can help us understand and look after ourselves if we can listen to what they are trying to tell us.
In the past, I’ve tried to deny that I had any emotions. I suppressed them from an early age to appease others. And, I learnt that if I presented with the version of me, that wasn’t okay. I was told I was too much, too emotional and crazy. So, for many years, I hid and bottled up my feelings.
In my personal life and relationships, I tried to be a ‘good girl’ who wasn’t messy, inadequate or flawed. I wanted to hang onto relationships and friendships. I wanted to be liked.
In the workplace, too, I learned that being emotional made me a liability to some. I controlled and denied my feelings, and my mental health and relationships suffered.
Emotions are data
Emotions can tell us what is going on for us. They signal us what we need to do to be calm and grounded within ourselves.
However, emotions can be frightening and challenging to accept. Learning to sit with how we feel, rather than thinking something is wrong with us – can bring clarity and freedom.
The more we recognise the importance of our emotions as a key means of understanding and caring for ourselves. And the more we feel our emotions as they flow through our bodies, the better we can meet the needs they point us to.
How to feel emotions
We will feel emotions in our bodies; for me, anxiety is a heavy churning in the gut. Sadness is an enormous weight across my shoulders. Shame is burning in my cheeks.
Anger tells us we’ve been hurt, suffered an injustice, or need to change something. Sadness is our emotional response to loss.
Societal pressure
The pressure to ‘suck it up’ our emotions and feelings shows the pressure of society to deny, avoid and suppress how we feel. And yet, there is growing evidence that stress, anxiety and depression can develop from emotions that are ignored, denied, or pushed away.
Many of us have been raised to hide our emotions, keep them quiet or disregard them. Connecting with, recognising, feeling, and naming them can take time and be hard work.
How to find support
Therapy gives us a safe space to sit with our emotions freely and without judgment. Listening to and feeling our emotions is sometimes painful, and at other times, it can be enlightening.
We can learn to manage our emotions better and reach the ones we’ve pushed down deep.
The more comfortable and accepting we are with our emotions, the better we can address the needs they reveal to us. This stops us from doing things that help us to avoid pain.
Knowing how we feel and sharing it with our loved ones or a trusted therapist is the first step towards becoming more authentic and true to ourselves.
My emails are always open if you have questions or need signposting to support.