Have you ever caught yourself speaking to yourself in a way you’d never dream of speaking to a friend? The way we talk to ourselves matters. Yet, many of us hold ourselves to impossible standards, replay mistakes over and over, and criticise our every move.
If your inner critic runs the show, it might be time to shift towards self-kindness. Self compassion isn’t about ignoring our challenges or pretending that everything is fine. It’s about meeting yourself with warmth and understanding, even when things go wrong.
Here is how you can start:
1. Notice your inner voice
We all have an internal dialogue; for many, it’s a harsh and unforgiving inner critic. Pay attention to how you speak to yourself. Would you say those words to a loved one? If the answer is no, try softening your tone. I
Instead of ‘I’m such a failure’ try ‘I’m doing the best I can, and that’s enough.’
2. Treat yourself like a good friend
Imagine your best friend was struggling. How would you comfort them? What would you say? Now, apply that same compassion to yourself. Next time you make a mistake or feel overwhelmed, ask yourself, ‘What would I say to a friend in this situation?’ Then say it to yourself.
3. Set healthy boundaries
Being kind to yourself also means protecting your time, energy, and well-being. Learn to say no to things that drain you. Prioritise rest. Surround yourself with people who uplift rather than criticise you. Boundaries aren’t selfish, they’re a vital act of self-respect.
4. Challenge perfectionism
Perfectionism is often the enemy of self-kindness. It keeps you stuck in a cycle of ‘I’m not good enough.’ Try embracing the idea that good enough is enough. Your progress matters so much more than perfection.
5. Nourish your body and mind
Self compassion includes taking care of yourself physically and emotionally. Eat foods that make you feel good, move in ways that bring you joy, and get enough rest. Small acts of self-care, whether it’s making a nice cup of tea, taking a deep breath, or stepping outside send a powerful message: I am worthy of care.
6. Practice self-compassionate journaling
Journaling is a great way to reflect on your thoughts and emotions. Try writing down three kind things about yourself each day. Or, if you’re struggling, write yourself a letter from the perspective of someone who loves you.
7. Embrace your humanity
None of us have it all together all the time. You will make mistakes. You will have bad days. That doesn’t mean you are failing; it means you are human. Instead of berating yourself for your imperfections, embrace them as part of you and your story.
8. Seek support when you need it
Being kind to yourself also means knowing when to ask for help. You don’t have to cope with everything alone. Reach out to a friend, a therapist, or a local support group when you need a reminder that you don’t have to do it all alone.
You deserve kindness, not just from others, but from yourself. The way you speak to yourself, the way you treat yourself, and the way you care for yourself all shape your well-being.
Start small. Speak gently. And remember, every act of self compassion is a step toward growth and healing.
Want to work with me?
I’m a fully qualified therapist specialising in trauma and neurodiversity. I work with depression, anxiety and low self esteem. I offer practical, evidence based tools that worked for me.
If you’re interested in working with me to start to improve your view of yourself and feel more confident please contact me.